how to make it as a girl

how to make it as a girl 2017-07-29T00:02:26+00:00

Project Description

1. pretend to be a painter, an actress, something cool, foreign
2. never admit you like country music
3. never cry in front of others unless you’re faking it
4. when people ask, say, “I am doing SO great!”
5. smile all the time
6. but don’t laugh hysterically
7. always wear earrings and fix your hair
8. nod all the time (while smiling)
9. work at Safeway as a gossiping peacemaker
10. never have stinks of any kind
11. wear lots of make up, a new face, a tool to the new you
12. never take sides or say anything that has meaning, use big words and no one will know the difference
13. always suck up subtly (while smiling and nodding)
14. never allow anyone to give you anything but be very generous so you always have the upper hand and can use this as ammunition
15. don’t talk about things you don’t understand unless you can pull it off successfully
16. avoid growth, learning, expanding (which lead to emotion) but pretend these are “very important to me”
17. never tell someone you love them unless you don’t
18. when you are about to freak out and go into spasm, quietly make a pleasant exit, say “I’m just going to the little girls room”
19. get in your economical yet stylish car and drive to a large expanse of trees, strip off all your clothes and excessories and start running, scream, shriek and eat dirt, writhe on the ground and clutch yourself grotesquely, pull on your hair, find the car and rip out the interior with your bare hands
20. don’t worry just tell the cops the car was stolen by vandals, slip back into your public self by watching a week of soap operas and oprah and hey who knows, you just might make it as a girl.